Digging Deeper into the Extrinsic Factors Effecting Self-Regulation

By Julia Grover-Barrey OTR/L
Founder of In-Tuned®

Our ability to self-regulate and our children’s ability to self-regulate have been more challenged since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic. For some it has made our day more predictable, easier to manage, but lack of novelty, feelings of uncertainty and sparse human connectivity has created a collective anxiety. There are also those who are spending far too much time in stressful home environments…it is the unfortunate truth. So, we dig a little deeper about how to set up environments and our human connections to help achieve optimal self-regulation for our children and for ourselves.

Self-regulation is not always a conscious choice, especially for children. As we mature, we can have more self-control.  During adolescence and emerging adulthood, we develop our executive function skills through maturation and strengthening of our prefrontal cortex, practicing good habits and operating in supportive environments. Good self-regulation is key to optimal executive function skills, and these skills will have a huge impact on our physical and mental health, wealth and success in the future.

In the beginning, children are vulnerable to the extrinsic or external factors shaping their ability to self-regulate. If these extrinsic factors are not supportive of the child they will struggle with emotional control, impulse control, pacing themselves and making good choices. Here is the bubble chart for the extrinsic factors influencing self-regulation previously published in my April 1, 2020 blog post. 

Now Available

Private On-Line In-Tuned® Consultations
With Julia Grover-Barrey

Optimal self-regulation depends on the child feeling safe and secure. The adults “in-charge” need to relay security through their actions and words so the child gets it at heart level. Security is a base need and it can’t be achieved in a top down, cerebral manner. Matching our actions to our words and to facial expressions promotes security and is priceless to the vulnerable nervous system of the child.

Speaking calmly, in low tones, with cadence and without argument, blame or negation is what I mean by non-violent communication. The adults around the child have a major impact on how the child self-regulates through what is called co-regulation. Stephen Porges, author of the Polyvagal Theory, provides details about co-regulation and the impact of COVID-19 in this podcast.

It always amazes me when I work with children how I see a change in their parents or care-givers. Their faces become more relaxed, their body language less guarded. Co-regulation is something you can objectively witness. I am not saying I am an expert at always offering my own children optimal co-regulation…I am human after all and I come from a long line of yellers. It has been a difficult thing to unlearn. I’ve often told people when I tell my kids to get to bed my neighbors start brushing their teeth.

Functioning within a non-threatening environment promotes the child’s ability to authentically work towards meeting external expectations fueled by positive will power. On a heart level they are part of a community in which their participation matters and is respected. The child is not merely going through the motions to avoid a negative consequence. It is more desirable for self-regulation if our actions are determined by our willingness rather than our basic need to avoid something perceived as punishment.

Just right sensory stimulation is necessary to keep us motivated to engage and learn, but not so much stimulation we cannot process input fast enough or efficiently enough to keep up with what’s happening around us. When we can’t keep up, we avoid, hide and possibly shut down. The just right scenario for children with Brain-Based Disorders is as unique as they are, but in general environments offering too much noise and visual distraction are not conducive to functional self-regulation.

In setting up the environment we have to keep the functional space and our goals in mind. For instance, a bedroom is private space to keep personal belongings, but it is mostly a room to get a good night sleep. Having a TV and the motherload of stuffed animals, toys and books can create a chaotic visual experience interfering with settling for bed. I think we can all agree sensory system overload is not what you want to feel at bedtime.

I was at an event a few years ago put on by a local chapter of a national organization supporting persons with autism. The whole premise of the day was for persons with autism and their families to have fun together and support one another. Unfortunately, staticky loud-speakers, buzzers and other very loud noises made for a lot of screaming, protective reflexes kicking in and running in all directions. Stressed looks prevailed, not the desired smiling and laughing the event was meant to promote.

Last, but not least, environments need to offer a slight challenge with an attainable goal motivating the will of the child. Challenging without overwhelming the child is what is needed to achieve a flow state , not only important to the present ability to self-regulate, but a building block to executive function needed for life long optimal occupational performance. We need to be mindful to match the demands of the environment to the skill level of the child.

May we all work on having optimal self-regulation and help positively support our children navigate the extrinsic factors that we have more control over than they do.

Julia